Now What?

School started today. Travis asked me yesterday, "So, do you think you're going to keep writing every night when school starts?"

And it got me to thinking...well, thinking about it more intensely, as I was already thinking about it.

Now what?

I need some feedback. Do you guys read daily? Would you be able to digest it better weekly? Do you only want funny stories or should I mix a bit of more...ummm...normal life? Do I have a good thing going here and should keep going with it? Maybe there is "Funny Friday", "Serious Saturday," "Two-for-One Tuesday"...just thinking out loud here. Or maybe I just do whatever the heck I want to do and stop over-thinking it!

I would really appreciate your thoughts on this!!!

And I would like to tell you that I have a contest coming tomorrow! Starbucks, anyone? Let's fuel the economy!

It Starts...

We used to have this video game that we bought for our niece when she was 5 or so years old. It was Lion King and right after it loaded it would say, in this real low, foreboding, liony voice, "It starts..."

That's what I hear in my head every time I think the word, "start," "started," or "starting."

Just like I always hear the mechanical voice in my head from the corner gas station where I grew up. In order to pay for your gas, you had to get a prepaid card from the cashier and swipe it at the gas pump. I think that's how it worked, anyway. The problem was that the card reader didn't work very well and so the stupid gas pump would repeat over and over again, "Try aGAIN." (swipe) "Try aGAIN." (swipe) "Try aGAIN." (insult) "Try aGAIN." (kick) "Try aGAIN." That's how we got down in Dutch Haven!

To this day, I cannot hear the words, "Try again," without hearing that mechanical gas pump voice in my head saying, "Try aGAIN," nor can I even say the words, "Try again," without saying it like, "Try aGAIN!"

Me and gas pumps...we've had this feud for long time now.

Anyway, school starts in the morning (Thursday) and I have nearly convinced myself that I'm actually excited about it. I'm excited for the teaching part, there's no doubt. But the... do your homework/do your chores/take a bath/eat dinner/stop teasing your sister/get ready for bed/stop arguing with me/go to bed... routine is going to take a little more self-deception before I can believe I'm excited about it. No worries. By morning I will have resolved to be more organized, get up early everyday, do dishes immediately after dinner and have the week's meals planned out. And I'll do a little more self-deception and convince myself that it's actually possible.

Wish me luck!

And please don't wish me to do something stupid! You'll get your wish whether you make it or not!

Another Underwear Story

So, I mentioned before that I have issues with underwear and I told the story of my very first embarrassing moment that I can remember involving underwear.

And now we move forward to Junior High.

Junior High...torture. Pure torture. I hated it. I didn't know it when I was actually IN Junior High, but looking back at it, it was one of the hardest times of my childhood. It wasn't just the pimples, peers, and pressure of trying to figure out what is and isn't fashionable. It's all these new emotions that you have no idea how to deal with or even what to call them, one of those new emotions being "love."

...or that's what we thought it was, anyway.

Ugh! The embarrassment I feel now for all the stupid things I did in the name of "love." I was one of those silly girls who wrote about boyfriends and breaking up for every poetry assignment. I was one of those girls who had, "I LOVE (What's-his-face)" on every binder and folder. There would be a name, then that one would get crossed out and a new name put underneath of it. Then, a few weeks later, that name would get crossed out and a new one would be placed underneath that one and by the end of the year, I had a full history of my 7th or 8th Grade love life. Oh, and I had a history of all my friends' love life too!

I was completely boy crazy. I HAD to have a fixation on SOME boy at all times or else I seriously didn't know what to do with myself. Perhaps if I had a father at home, I could have been spared much of this embarrassment, but I AM prone to drama, so who knows!?!

Buddy Kelly. He was one of my short-term boyfriends. By short-term, I mean 3-6 weeks. Long-term was anything over 6 weeks. You know, the ones you REALLY "love!" Buddy was short-term, but he will forever be in my mind...because of this story.

I took Choir in Junior High. Absolutely loved it! The funny thing was, every time I took Choir, both in Junior High and High School, I wound up playing piano instead. I don't know if that says more about my singing ability or my piano playing ability. Hmmm...

As is often customary, the Choir gave a Christmas performance. It was at an amazing venue, one that would surely gain us prestige and honor.

Dudley Elementary School.

The big day arrived and let me tell you, it was BIG to us Junior High kids because we got to GET OUT OF SCHOOL for a couple of hours! Whoo-HOO! We are talkin' big time here! AND, we even got to get out of our morning classes in order to get into uniform!

Now, whoever thought that white pants would be a great uniform for a bunch of Junior High kids must have been "smokin' in the boys' room" the day they handed out common sense. I mean, seriously! How long did they expect them to stay white when you have girls who are just learning how to apply make up and are clumsy as all get out!?

And how did they expect girls to think about what underwear they might be wearing that day?

What exactly WERE they smoking in the boys' room, anyway?!?

I got up extra early that morning, all excited. I had my hair to worry about, my clear mascara and barely pink lipstick to apply, AND I was playing piano like a grown-up! Who could expect me to think about what underwear I should be wearing?

We arrived at school, checked into homeroom, and headed over to the choir classroom. The choir director got out the uniforms and we started changing. (Where did we change, anyway? Was there a bathroom in the choir room or did we go to the locker room? I don't remember.)

So, my friends and I are all giddy and giggling and talking about this boy and that boy, and changing our clothes. I got undressed from the waist down and grabbed my white choir pants. That's when I noticed what underwear I was wearing...

They were white (good start) with little green Christmas trees and red hearts everywhere. (Groan) Oh, dear...

But what was even worse, was that on the back of these cute little undies were the words, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

Oh...My...GOSH! How could I have done this? Why in the world did I not think to wear SOLID white underwear???!!!??? I'm still asking myself that question! And if there were going to be designs, why did I not pick out something with light...very light...pink puppies or kitties or something? WHY bright red and green? And WHY OH WHY, when I had two other pairs of underwear in the same set that said, "Joy" and "Love" did I have to pick the pair that said, "Ho! Ho! Ho!"

I put on my pants, looked behind me, and said, "Hey, can you see my underwear through these pants?"

My friends busted out laughing. Full on laughing. I was dying.

Now, I had true friends. Friends that are always there for whatever Junior High crisis you're having at that hour (because there's a crisis almost every 60 minutes in Junior High!). We started brainstorming solutions.

Maybe I could go without. Heavens no! They were thin pants. That would be worse!

Maybe by some incredible miracle I had an extra pair of white underwear in my locker. Nope. There weren't any.

Maybe I could wear someone else's. No, I'm kidding.

The best we came up with was that I had to wear a jacket around my waist.

Ok, so this is Junior High. Being the only one on stage with a jacket tied around my waist was not cool! Plus, everyone would ask why and I wasn't smart enough to think of something like, "Oh, I sat on my lunch," or "I fell in the mud while walking back from the locker room on the cement ground and you can't see it now, but there was a huge pile of mud there. No, really."

But I couldn't tell the MALE teacher why it was that I HAD to wear a jacket around my waist during the entire performance! Absolutely NOT! I was just going to have to bear it.

To make matters worse, Buddy Kelly was in the band...and the band was travelling with us because they were also going to perform. No. This can't possibly be happening to me! I was beginning to feel sick, but even if I used that excuse to go home and not perform today, it wouldn't work well because I was the one playing piano. There wasn't anyone else. No, I really did have to do this.

And so I put the blue and white striped shirt with suspenders on (again, what were they smokin'?!?) and tied my jacket around my waist. I hid from Buddy Kelly as much as I could. Not that it was that hard because I was too shy to talk to him much anyway. Band boarded the bus. Choir boarded the bus. I was SO hoping that Buddy Kelly was not going to see my underwear and I did NOT want him, or any other boy for that matter, to know about my underwear because I knew that they would look at my rear end, read what my underwear said, and call me a name I really didn't want to hear!

So, in true Junior High fashion, my friends circled around me and made it glaringly obvious that something was going on. We weren't too subtle then. No one admitted to telling anyone else what was going on, but this is Junior High. Do you really think it was going to remain a secret?

We made it to Dudley Elementary and I kept that jacket tightly around my waist. It took forever for the band to set up and tune up and it took forever before the elementary kids began to assemble, but I didn't care if it took 100 forevers!

Alas, the band was ready, the kids assembled and it was time to start. My friends looked at me. I looked at them. And then we realized that band was first, so I had at least another 7 forevers left.

The band finished. My friends looked at me. I looked at them. We all looked at the teacher. He motioned for us to enter. It was time. Forever was gone. I untied the jacket.

This is when I realized that not only would I have to go up in front of all these people, Buddy Kelly included, but I had to go up after the rest of the choir assembled and sit at the piano. Do you think anyone would notice that I was the only girl in white pants, striped shirt, and white suspenders at the piano? I had my doubts. And did I think that the teacher might forget to introduce me to the audience and say nice things about my piano playing and ability and tell the kids that if they worked hard they might be able to do it some day? I had my doubts about that, too.

And did I think that when I sat down at the piano that it would magically turn around so that my BUTT wasn't facing the audience?? I was hoping so, but I had some serious doubts.

Alas, I was the only girl to sit at the piano, the teacher made me stand up so he could inspire all the little kids to practice their piano, and my rear end did indeed face the audience.

I don't know whether anyone noticed or not, but it didn't matter because everyone from school that was in the band or choir knew and they were the ones that mattered, anyway.

Well, having the teacher know would be worse, but fortunately he was really good at pretending that nothing in the world was going on.

And Buddy Kelly? Well, he tried to pretend. At least he didn't press me for any details.

Parents, I advised you last time to buy your kids new underwear and now I advise you to think about which ones you're buying, check out any uniforms they may have to wear, and get involved in the uniform decision process! Oh, and watch out for ones that smell like smoke.

Headache

I am not feeling clever tonight. I am not feeling like thinking. I am not feeling funny, either. My head is throbbing, I'm nauseous, and all I want to do is go to bed. Travis wants to watch a movie and that sounds wonderful...because it's a good excuse to fall asleep early!

So, for the sake of my head, I forfeit my potential earnings for the night and hope that you and 5000 new visitors show up tomorrow when I feel more like myself...which is scary, I know.

Take this chance to catch up on a few stories you haven't read yet!

Good night.

No, you'll likely be reading this tomorrow, so have a great day!

I told you I didn't feel like thinking.

If Only There Was Background Music...

First, I must give credit where credit is due. I DID NOT come up with this on my own. I got this idea from a guy named John Acuff and he has THE funniest blog I have EVER read!!! You can read it at www.stufffchrisitianslike.blogspot.com. Some Christians get very offended at his humor, but if you like sarcasm, this is the place for you! The guy is a Christian and he makes fun of the funny things Christians do. LOVE IT!

Anyway, he references the music played during prayer and "serious times" and then came up with this idea that we should be able to have some sort of hand-held device that plays background music for things that go on during our day. I thought to myself, "Hey! Since my life is like a sitcom, what a great idea!"

So, what kind of music would there be for me?

Let's see...

First, I must warn you that I listen to mostly Christian music and I don't watch TV. Don't even have cable. Thus, I am very pop culture deficient. If I linked songs that have questionable lyrics, please know that all I know of the song is what I heard in the 30 second clip from iTunes. And if I chose a song that is done by an artist who is known for his/her questionable lyrics, I most likely have no idea who they are. I did stay away from DJ Nasty, however. Something just told me not to go there.

So without further ado, let's start with the drive-through car wash. There would be this beat...something you'd hear in low rider. Then as I enter the car wash, the music breaks into,

(click on lyrics to hear song.)
At the car wash!
Talkin' 'bout the car wash, yeah.
Car wash! Car wash, yeah!"

Since there were kids in the car with me, I chose the Shark Tale version.

I'm hearing, "Don't Worry, Be Happy" as I'm driving home with my fully repaired Expedition...until I hit the garbage cans and that's when I hear...

"Wipe Out!"

How about the fire alarm? Oh, I think this one would be perfect! Can't you just hear the dark cloud of doom hovering over the campus as everyone rushes out to the parking lot? Can't you just feel the intense stress and embarrassment when you listen to this song?

And what about when my son was born in the ambulance? I'm picturing Josh driving me down the road at 80mph hour, quiet as a mouse, when all of the sudden I say, "Call 911!" and then all you can hear is "Gunlinger" while Josh makes contact with the dispatcher.

Once She-Paramedic enters the room and tells me, "Oh, Honey. You're not having this baby now," the ghost of Aretha Franklin would come from nowhere, look She-dispatcher right in the eye and sing...

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, I got what it means to me!

Then, while She-Paramedic and Wet-Paramedic wheel me out, Aretha fades back into the wall and Peter & Gordan stand side-by-side at the door of the ambulance and sing...

"Lady Godiva"... since that's kind of how one might feel being exposed from the waist down! (Was that over the top?)

Now for the bleach story, I think that perhaps this might be in order:

"Get My Drink On"

Or how about when my purse went flying into the air after falling off the top of my car? "Fly"

Finally, I think that whenever I get behind the wheel, "Livin' on a Prayer" should be playing!

These are just some ideas I have. Feel free to leave a comment and post your own! I have yet to come up with one for the fuel pump.