Why You Should Buy Your Kids New Underwear

Does anyone else have issues with their underwear?

I mean, surely I'm not the only one who finds subtle ways of pulling one side of their slightly-too- small undergarment out from the dark recesses of their behind or has to trade a clean pair of underwear for cotton-lined pantyhose because the laundry is behind. (PANTYhose. It counts, doesn't it?) And surely I'm not the only one who has thrown a pair of clean underwear that was pulled from the washing machine into the microwave to dry.

I KNOW I'm not the only one because I got that idea from a homeschooling mom online! People may ask you all day where the microwave popcorn is, but at least you don't have to worry about having ax X-rated Marilyn Monroe moment. (By the way, the microwave trick doesn't work very well. You thought about it, didn't you?)

We all have issues with our underwear.

However, mine started at the tender age of...oh, I don't remember how old, but I was in elementary school.

It was a bright, sunny day in Sacramento, California. The kind of day where it's warm enough to go out in the morning and not need a jacket... or tights to go with a cute, little white dress. Ohhh, how I wish I had worn tights that day.

The school bus picked me up at the daycare center I attended. (Any Eager Beaver alumni here? Make a comment and REPRESENT!) The front of the property was the provider's house and the big building in the back was the daycare center.

Because the street was so far from the daycare center, I had to stand at the door of the center and wait until the bus pulled up to the sidewalk. From there I would run to the sidewalk and board the bus.

So, as I said, I was standing there in my cute, little white dress without a jacket or tights and, as usual, the school bus arrived. I smiled and took off running.

And that is when my first memorable issue with underwear occurred. As I was running ACROSS the daycare center lot, my underwear was running DOWN- yes, DOWN MY LEGS!!! I realized it once they hit my knees. I was horrified! I quickly reached down, pulled them up, then did this little running-while-pulling-up-my-underwear thing. I'd make it about 5 steps and have to pull them up again. Run, pull. Run, pull, all the way to the bus.

When I reached the bus, my underwear were somewhere around my thighs and I knew I was going to have to lift my legs and climb those steps. I was mortified! I couldn't pull them up because even if none of the kids on the bus saw me pulling up my underwear already (doubtful), they would certainly see me now!

So, I took REALLY BIG steps with the hopes that my underwear would find their way back up. I don't remember if it worked or not, but I do remember that I had a lonely day on the playground because I couldn't go play with my friends on the play equipment.

Parents, please note that it is for this reason that you should make sure to regularly check the elastic on your children's underwear. Go ahead. School is about to start...go buy them now!