What Kind of Mood Are You In Today?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I Only Half-way Forget to Apply Deodorant

Don't you hate the days when you forget to put on your deodorant? Ugh! The feeling of NOT being sure...it puts you on tilt all day!

Especially in high school when being "cool" is...well...THE most important thing other than attracting members of the opposite gender! (Can't use the "s" word...who knows what kind of ads will pop up!)

I remember when... (pretend the screen is getting fuzzy and wavy)

I'm opening my locker, getting books, talking with friends, checking my hair, when something strange wafts in the air. Ick! Someone forgot their deodorant this morning! And when we know that someone did something embarrassing, we humans feel the need to find out who it is, so I start looking around. "Could it be him? Her? Oh, no. It MUST be him!"

I get to my classroom and sit down, open my notebook, get a pen out of my purse. The teacher begins class, starts the lecture, then asks a question. I LOVE it when I know the answer! I get excited, raise my hand and...

"Eww. There's that smell again! Whoever it was is in this class," which then puts me in Nancy Drew mode and I MUST find out who forgot their deodorant this morning!

I think we had to put our heads down for being too noisy or something. Either that or I got bored and thought I would, "rest my eyes" for the rest of class. Whatever the case, this gives me the perfect opportunity to scan the room and try to figure out who forgot their deodorant this morning.

"Eww..there's that...uh, could that be me?" Shoot! I need to find out, but I can't have anyone see me sniff my armpits! That would be SO not cool! But I've GOT to find out!

Hmmm...I think I have an itch in my nose. Yeah, that's it. If anyone suspects, I was merely itching my nose. I'll just turn my head to the left...just like this...itch my nose on my sleeve..."Phew! It's not me!!!"

Later in the day, I head off to PE. By the way, I HATED PE!!! I'm not anywhere NEAR even acceptable when it comes to sports. Even 5th graders don't want to play with me. Seriously. I taught summer school one year in the elementary school I work at (it's more of a daycare summer program) and even though the kids begged me to play kickball with them on Day 1, On Day 2 when we played again I was STILL picked last! I kid you not. (My friends from high school right now are thinking, "Oh. Well, maybe she really IS telling the truth!")

Oops, my mind was wandering again.

But despite the fact that I did everything possible to not play- dodging the ball and running away from it- you work up quite a sweat in the process, especially when the "sporty girls" yell at you.

Finally, PE was over and it was off to the torture chamber-I mean, locker room-to change. Doing my best to look like I'm not changing out of my gym clothes in front of 30 other girls, I throw the shirt over my head, quick as lightning, and...

"Ewww...what the heck? There's that smell again!!! Geez! I already checked-it's not me!!! So which girl standing near me forgot deodorant? " Nancy Drew mode again. Except I can't look because if the other girls see me looking at them they'll think...well, you know. You just don't look at ANYONE when changing in the locker room.

Finally, the end of the day comes. I board the bus, sit back, and start thinking about cute boys. I get home, drop my backpack, grab a snack from the pantry and...

"Ewww...SERIOUSLY?!? WHY do I keep smelling that smell??? Is it my brother?"

(Said snotty, like every big sister sounds.) "Matt, geez! Did you forget your deodorant this morning?"

"NO! (you freak!)"

Ok. At this point, even I can't deny that all the evidence is pointing to me as the guilty forgetter-of-the-deodorant, so I head off to the bathroom to check. I lift one arm, sniff...YES! I knew it wasn't me! I'll check the other just in case. Lift the other arm, sniff..."OH! You have GOT to be kidding me!!!

"I only half-way forgot to apply my deodorant this morning!"

Yes, I only applied deodorant to one armpit and that smell I was smelling all day was indeed...me!

Sad to say, this was only the first time. I still do it today from time to time. It's REALLY embarrassing now because I teach Music and have to wave my arms in the air to conduct the kids while singing. I don't know what happens between armpit 1 and armpit 2, but I have at least learned to carry deodorant with me wherever I go...and stash it in the car...and in my desk at work...and in my Music bag.

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