Every Time I Have a Baby I Break a Toe

Really.

The first toe was my baby toe. I was in the middle of teaching 5 kids how to play the piano and my firstborn (Rebecca) was hungry, so I was rushed to the freezer to get some breastmilk from the fridge. (Did I just lose my entire male audience there?) Away I went and jammed my baby toe into the leg of the couch. OMGOSH, that hurt!!! But, having never broken a toe before, I had no idea. I finished my class and when they all left, I took off my sock and saw the colorful mass of red, blue and purple. When I called the advice nurse, she said there was nothing they could do for it, so I dealt with it.

Oddly enough, this was not long before SuperJosh and Rachel's wedding and I was a bridesmaid. I was worried that I'd have to wear slippers down the isle, but I was able to put on a pair of heels for the first time since I broke the toe to her wedding. Phew!

The second time I not only broke my toe, but also my foot. My secondborn (Hannah) was upstairs sleeping and I was carrying my firstborn in my arms, walking downstairs. (You're nervous already, aren't you?) I slipped on the step, fell on my bottom, and heard a pop. Rebecca started crying, that woke up Hannah, and I had to do the butt crawl up the stairs, get Hannah out of the crib, then do the butt crawl back down the stairs before I could call Travis. I got a fluorescent pink cast for that one. (Thanks, Mom for letting Rebecca pick it out!)

Unfortunately, it was my right foot, which meant I was stuck for 6 weeks, not able to drive. (Shh! I know what you're thinking...)

Then there was Ben...

He was 2 weeks old. I was starting dinner and holding Ben. I started digging in the freezer, doing that mom thing where you use your feet for hands.

You know those 2-pack for whole chickens you get-or used to get-from Sam's Club? I had one in my freezer. I moved something and down came the 2-pack...on my toe!!!

OMGOODNESS that hurt!!! Much worse than the other two and it was seriously more painful than labor! And I wasn't too far removed from labor! It bled under the nail and that's what made it so bad. At least with labor you have some time of relief between contractions. Not so with a bleeder under the toenail!

When Travis took me to the emergency room, I had to answer every nurse and doctor who asked me what happened with...

"Frozen chickens fell on my toe."

Yeah, they laughed, said, "What?" and I had to repeat it and explain. That was rather embarrassing.

It was 7 hours before they put a hole in the toenail to relieve the pressure. That's longer than two of my labors combined!

So you see, it's true. Everytime I have a baby I break a toe.

In case you're wondering, yes, we are done having kids.

A year or so ago I accidentally dropped the sliding glass door on my toe. When I looked and found that there was no doubt that it was broken...

I was tempted to buy a pregnancy test!