Nails on the Chalkboard

Alright. At this point I have shown myself to be...hmmm, what might one say? Easily distracted, perhaps? I don't know. A 9 year old thinks I'm an ex-druggie, so maybe there is a better word to describe it.

But, alas, as every true genius does, I have an odd side to me.

You know how most people curl up like overcooked shrimp when they hear the sound of nails scratching the chalkboard? Ok, I guess I'm speaking to those over the age of 30 because I'm not so sure those younger than 30 would even know what a chalkboard is! Whiteboards have conquered the educational world and scratching your fingernails on one isn't such a big deal. Well, unless you damage the finish and your teacher gives you "the sigh" every time he/she writes on it. But the sound of nails on a whiteboard is usually bearable.

Nails on the chalkboard, however is another story...for most people, that is.

The sound never bothered me. In fact, I used to love scraping my nails on the chalkboard when the teacher wasn't looking just to see everyone curl up into the fetal position and groan. Good times!

Napkins, on the other hand, are another matter!

This is THE hardest post I've written so far because as I'm trying to convey to you what happens to me when I am confronted with a napkin, it is giving me chills like crazy and it's getting hard to type in the fetal position.

Cloth napkins are fine. You can't spit your gum into them at a restaurant, but they give me no trouble. It's those stupid paper ones that send me to the ceiling!

When the napkin sits there, I have no qualms. When I use the napkin, I have no ill feelings. But pick that napkin up and lick it and I will become like a cat on the curtains, only in the fetal position. I know, strange image.

Oh, I just can't stand it! Even worse, take that napkin and wipe your 2 year old's face that is sticky with syrup and I will become like a cat on the curtains in the fetal position, shaking its head wildly.

I'm dying here thinking about the sticky fingers!!! My teeth hurt and I keep shaking with the chills. Seriously. The back of my head is tingling, too.

And yes, scratching a napkin with your fingernails makes me lose my sanity, too. (Don't say it.)

My family has so much fun with this. I often zone out and I'll be awakened to, "MOM!"

I'll look up and there is a little face with horns on her head and fire coming from her eyes and the sound of a napkin being licked. UGGGGhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. (That's an "Ugh!" and a groan at the same time.)

Or one of my children will have a sticky face and my husband will tell him to wipe his face while everyone else sits back and has quite a laugh at my expense. Of course, the one wiping his face has to conclude his cleaning routine with a slow lick of the napkin.

And you may tell me not to look, but even just thinking about it makes me, well, curl up like an overcooked shrimp!

It's really unfair. I think I might start serving our dinner on mini-chalkboards and be sure to scrape my plate every time I take a bite!

For Travis' side of the story, see his blog at LifeWithRachael.blogspot.com.