I invited my Facebook friends to add the My Poor Husband Page to their account. Some of them are wondering what in the world this is about, so rather than have my hairy armpit be the first thing they see on my blog, I thought it would be wise to let them know how this all started. If you look on the right-hand sidebar, you will see an archives section where you can browse past stories. Feel free to hang out for awhile and add a few laughs to your day. If you're so inclined, add the My Poor Husband Page to your Facebook account and pretend that the box on the top right doesn't say "fan", but "interested party," or "person who thinks Rachael is nuts", or "I just wanted to see my face in that box." I hate the word "fan."
Here ya go. The story that started it all...
The SECOND Time I Drove Off With the Gas Pump
I was pumping gas and talking on my cell phone to my poor husband, Travis. (Pumping gas while talking on the cell phone. Doesn't that cause brain tumors or something?) I finished pumping, got in the car, and continued my conversation with my poor husband, Travis. Suddenly, there was a loud THUMP and SCRAPING of the pavement. Did my muffler just fall off? Did I run something over? Did I...oh, no. I couldn't possibly have...oh, yes I did!
I forgot to remove the gas pump from my car!!!
I did NOT want Travis to know what I had done, so I couldn't slam on my breaks and go tell Chevron what happened. That would get the kids' attention and they would no doubt tell on me.
I kept driving.
As I was rounding the corner, trying to find a place to park and act natural, the owner of the place started running toward the car yelling, "Stop! Stop!" I'm still talking to Travis mind you, and so I could not yell back, "I'm parking! I'm parking!" I waved at the guy, who started running faster and yelling louder. The guy caught up with me, pulled the hose from my gas tank and yells, "You could at least give me my pump back, " and all the while I'm still talking to Travis on the cell phone, trying to act as if nothing is going on so Travis wouldn't suspect.
Eventually I found a way to get off the phone and then I went inside and assured the guy that I was not planning on driving off with his pump. He took my number and I never heard from him again...
...until today. Is it because he finally got around to calling me? Oh, no. Not in Rachael's world. I did it...(sigh) again!
My son is convinced that his mother is verifiably weird. (Yes, he is a very smart boy, indeed!) My daughter is on the fence about this issue and the other is in denial. What we all agree on is that I don't do things the way everyone else does them and though my life can get expensive, it does not lack for laughs.
Tonight we spent New Year's Eve with friends. I was trying to figure out how to get a movie going (not having cable I can't navigate a TV anymore!) when I said, "How do you push play on this thing?"
My son is very literal. If I tell him to get dressed and then he can do such-in-such, he does exactly that. He puts on every item of clothes he is supposed to wear, but then gets bent out of shape when I tell him that brushing his teeth, brushing his hair, and washing his face are part of getting dressed.
"MOM! You said GET DRESSED. Brushing your teeth isn't getting dressed!"
Ok, technically he is correct, but surely he knows what I mean!
Eventually he'll learn about how he's supposed to be able to read a woman's mind.
So, my son, having a very literal mind, hears me ask how to push play on a DVD player and is now affirmed of his mother's weirdness. He looks up, sees the 2 new friends that joined us this New Year's, leans over to me and says in a hushed voice,
"Mom. Are you sure you want them to know you're weird?"
To which I reply, "Oh, Honey. They've read my blog."
Case closed. That satisfies his question.
As I mentioned, this was New Year's Eve. We spend every New Year's Eve with close friends. This year was fun because we had two new friends to share it with and because we had a costume party. A 70's costume party. I love costume parties! And I gave my costume much thought.
I didn't want to go the hippie route…everyone does that. But I also didn't want to spend a lot of money on a costume, which most of us understand these days.
I went the hippie route, but I had to do SOMETHiNG different! How could I jazz up this costume a bit? How could I make it a little more authentic with a twist of Rachael?
Let me say a big THANK YOU to Kiah. She was my inspiration. Without her I might never have come up with the perfect costume…
Oh, yes I did! I grew out my armpit hair. That big, bushy black thing you see there…that's real! I did not glue that on. I did not color it with a sharpie. Nope! That's the real thing right there!
My son rolled his eyes. My daughter turned her head away. My other daughter said, "MOM! That's GROSS! Shave it off!" and my poor husband...?
As I have mentioned before, I teach Music at a PreK-8 school. Best job I've ever had!!! Besides the kids, the Christmas musical and the Spring musical are my two favorite parts of my job.
Well, O.K., I lied. But Tuesday night around 8pm it will be true again! You see, in 2 days we "go live." All 90 or so kids will be on stage, smiling and looking adorable, realizing the fruit of their labor. And while the best part of the whole thing is the final bow, the few days before the program are, well...in a word, stressful.
This is the 11th musical I have directed at Pacific Coast Christian Academy and after experiencing 9 of them, I discovered that there was a certain rhythm to this whole thing. Just as predictable as a lively song to start the program and just as predictable as the preschooler in the front row picking his nose, so are the stages of putting on a musical.
Stage 1: Research
It all starts with the question, "What are we going to do this year?" It follows with browsing the internet, looking for musicals that are cute enough to make the audience smile and "cool" enough for junior high kids to sing. (Not always attainable, but you try.) You choose a few that have good sound bites and look entertaining and then order the preview pack. (A choral book and CD packaged together at a very reduced rate. It's like bait only it doesn't smell bad.)
Stage 2: Discovery
You get the bait in the mail and start popping CD's in. You're simply listening to see if this is the program. It only takes 5 minutes or less per CD to decide. If I'M bored in the first 5 minutes, the audience certainly will be! No use in listening to the whole thing. NEXT!
Stage 3: Deliberation
While deciding whether a certain program makes the cut or not takes 5 minutes or less, deciding which one of those that made the cut will be THE ONE takes a bit more deliberation. Is it TOO predictable? It the title hopelessly cheesy? Can Kindergarten handle the music? Is it too cutesy for Junior High? Will the audience love it because if not, I'll be judged accordingly. How complicated is the drama and can the kids handle the parts that are played by grownups on the CD? What kind of message does it send?
Stage 4: Decision
After weighing all the options, I choose the one that excites me most. Most of the questions I asked myself above are completely unnecessary because in the end, because I'll pretty much just improvise it all, anyway. Whatever obstacle appears, I'll figure it out. But not yet because I must enter stage 5.
Stage 5: Glorious Excitement
I love stage 5! Oh, the thrill of creativity!!! I pop that CD into my car and listen to it over and over again. As I listen to the drama, I am creating the props, visualizing the staging, dreaming up costumes, and coming up with my own interpretations. I'm tearing up at all the sappy parts and singing cheerfully to that first lively song. So many ideas run through my head. It's like a drug. A natural high. A most happy place where life is a hall of mirrors that reflect such beautiful light in all the shades of the spectrum. It surrounds you and lifts you and you just want to skip through a field, only you couldn't skip because you'd be floating. There is nothing else except for newly opened lilies and hummingbirds...
and...well, until someone calls, "MOM!" from the backseat.
Stage 6: Tryouts
This is such a fun stage! Seeing those 3-8th graders get up in front of their peers and saying their lines or singing a solo is incredible and I stand taller because of them. You have to admire the ones who seem to have no fear, but you have to especially admire and respect the ones who are frightened out of their wits, voices quivering, hands shaking, and determined to finish because they are more afraid of not doing what they set out to do than they are of standing there in front of everyone. Right there. That's where I stand taller.
Stage 7: Casting
I don't care to dwell too much on this stage. It's painful. Only a few kids will get the part they really wanted and there are always a few parents who aren't happy with my decisions. Yeah, it's painful.
Stage 8: Rehearsal
We sing, sing, sing and sing some more! Well, actually we've been singing since the start of stage 5, but this is where we begin to rehearse the drama, as well. Oh, my this is fun! This year's musical has been especially fun. The drama is just over-the-top hilarious and one of our kids knows how to work an audience really well. He's a total crack up!
This stage is also a lot of fun because I get to take quiet, reserved children and turn them into little acting machines. It's fun to watch them at the first rehearsal, arms crossed, head down, barely audible...and compare it to the last rehearsal where they are loud (or at least louder), arms are moving about freely, head is up, and they begin to walk taller as they glide down the school halls, proud of what they've accomplished and feeling bonded with the other actors. There is nothing like the bond of fear, hard work, and universal accomplishment.
Stage 9: Freak Out
It's how many more days until THE day? What?!? Are you sure??? Uhhh...am I as far along as I need to be? Should I freak out right now? No? Oh, well, too late.
Stage 10:
This is where I am right now. This is the most horrible stage of putting on a musical. Horrible is a bad word. Horrifying might be a better one. It is only mere days before the program and everything is suddenly overwhelming. All the weak spots are glaringly obvious, all the things that have been procrastinated on have come due, and all the extra space left in my schedule is now completely full and overflowing. You're still freaking out because you can't for the life of you see how everything that needs to get done will get done and doggoneit, those kids better memorize those lines! Fred's sick and can't make rehearsal? Which parent am I calling back today? What else needs to be coordinated?
I was tempted to make this another step, but I think dress rehearsal needs to stay in Stage 10. Oh, dress rehearsal... I get the whole, "You gotta do it so you can see where all the holes are and what needs to be fixed," but we only get one rehearsal on the actual stage we do our program on and it's not your normal dress rehearsal. It's far worse than that. We can't do our programs our own building because we can't fit 300 people plus the kids in our own chapel, so dress rehearsal becomes a field trip to the church we are renting, thus allowing us approximately 2 hours to do it "just like we're going to do it live!"
(forced laugh)
What really makes dress rehearsal difficult is that ALL the teachers are watching, the staff of whatever church building we are renting are watching, and all the parents who drove kids on this field trip are watching. This is their first impression and it is always a mess! The program is what everyone judges my performance on. Whether or not I'm viewed as a good teacher or not depends 90% on how the program goes. Overall, it's a very small glimpse into what I do. Teaching is a complex art. Somehow you're supposed to take a subject that 1/3 of your class is interested in, make 99% of them like it, find a way to engage 20 kids...at the same time!...who are all incredibly different and make sure they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are loved, good grade or not...that's a better measure of my value as a teacher. But, reality is, all most parents see is the show. So when they are watching the dress rehearsal and seeing all the most minute mistakes, it's a little unnerving. I begin to say to myself, "That's it! After this I'm done! I'm so unqualified, I've made so many mistakes, the school will look bad because of me, and why am I doing this to myself, anyway? I'm so tired...so very, very tired."
But Stage 11...
Oh, glorious, most wonderful Stage 11!
The show starts at 7pm sharp. (Well, except for the one time I lost a kid's costume and ran back home and then back to my office to find it, but I'll have to tell that story later!) By 7:10 the welcomes are complete and all the kids are assembled on the stage. The crowd hushes, the children take a deep breath, and then the music plays. Suddenly the kids and I are in a world of our own making. This is what we've visualized in our heads for so long and now we are living that moment. First scene, second scene, fourth song, fifth song...they fly by like the telephone poles on the highway. Before we know it, the musical is done and we are standing there, taking our bow, and basking in the glow of Stage 11.
I can be no prouder than when the audience is clapping, yelling "Bravo!", standing to their feet, and giving their kids what they desire most in life...the look of acceptance and pride on their parents' faces. No, there is no better moment when it comes to putting on a musical.
This is when I answer the question I asked myself earlier.
"Why do I do this to myself?"
Because you love it, Rachael. You love watching these kids. You love seeing them shine. You love seeing them proud of themselves. You love watching a kid who is struggling in school do something he never knew he was good at. You love seeing the kid who was having a hard time being accepted by his peers suddenly the center of their praise. You love watching the teacher's faces as they gain an even deeper appreciation for what his or her student is capable of. You love the hugs. You love hearing, "You're my favorite Music teacher" (even if I am the only one). You would be unfulfilled if you never did this again, knowing that you are missing the opportunity to make a difference.
Bring on the next musical!
(Here's last year's Christmas musical." Feel free to click on parts 2-6 as well!)
